


I Want to Give You My Saliva (or Something to that Nature)

by Happy_Pappy_Patton



Series: Sanders Sides Ship Oneshots! [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: College AU, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gay Panic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am so disappointed that the vase isn't a character tag, I can't not make star kid references, I just keep getting worse at tags, Innuendo, Lots of it, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pining, Remus Is A Mess, Remus being Remus, Roman is a Good Brother, Self Care, and they were ROOMMATES, but not really, honestly it's pretty self explanatory, janus is tired, omg they were roommates, rated teen because remus, remus is a dumbass, they met in college, two dorks in love, who broke this vase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Pappy_Patton/pseuds/Happy_Pappy_Patton
Summary: Remus just wants to ask his roommate out, but the world seems to be working against him
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, demus - Relationship
Series: Sanders Sides Ship Oneshots! [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746889
Comments: 24
Kudos: 136





	I Want to Give You My Saliva (or Something to that Nature)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is........ well, it is. I really hope you like it! comment please because it fuels our souls, and as always, have an amazing day!!!

Remus had it all planned out. If he was finally going to do this, he was going to do it right. He’d picked out a date, found a nice, private place, even asked his brother for tips. After procrastinating for years now, he was finally going to do it.

He was finally going to ask his roommate out.

Admittedly, he was a bit more anxious than was probably necessary. Janus had always been strangely fond of him; at least, he’d stuck by Remus for at least 5 years by now. And though he certainly acted annoyed by most of everything Remus did, he couldn’t quite hide the strange twinkle in his eyes.

But all that proved was that Janus was mildly amused by him enough to tolerate him. Remus was one of his closest friends, but he was so good at hiding his emotions that he wasn’t sure anyone could always tell what he really felt.

That was part of why Remus loved him. Janus was a three million piece puzzle, and everything but the edge pieces were invisible. Remus had gotten really good at putting the pieces together, but he could never see the full picture. It was like a game to try and decipher every word and glance, one Remus was determined to win.

It didn’t hurt that the visible edge pieces were pretty damn sexy.

He wasn’t sure exactly what had suddenly made it so urgent; maybe it was Roman’s constant teasing, maybe the fact that his childhood friend, Logan, had just proposed to his boyfriend, or maybe just because it felt right. It didn’t much matter. Whatever the reason, he’d made up his mind. And anyone who knew him knew that once he set his intentions, there was no derailing him.

And so, for better or for worse, on that momentous Saturday morning, he told Janus to hurry up with his breakfast and meet him in the car for a surprise. Janus seemed surprised for a moment, but quickly shrugged it off and shook his head.

“It’s my day off, Re,” he huffed, turning back to his cereal. “You know, my day of not going outside? I get that whatever weird ritual you have planned is _so terribly important_ , but I’ve already made plans.”

Remus wilted slightly. He’d planned for everything but Janus’s newly implemented weekend self care regimen. A stupid oversight, seeing as that was practically all he talked about these days, at least when other people were around. Complete detachment from society for one day a week to refresh the soul. He’d tried to initiate Remus into it and succeeded for a single day before they both decided it was better for it to stay Janus’s thing. Remus was far too jumpy to safely keep away from everyone.

Glancing up, Janus’s eyes softened just enough for him to catch. “Maybe tomorrow?” he supplied somewhat begrudgingly.

Remus groaned. “But I’ve been planning this forever. Pretty please, double d?”

Janus sighed, the nickname giving him pause. Remus had come up with it 4 years ago, when Logan had pointed out that the birthmarks on his face looked a lot like the scales of a snake, and Remus had pointed out that snakes all have two dicks. The name had started as something Janus reviled, but after a while, it had become something endearing. Remus only used it sparingly nowadays, only when he was serious.

Still, Janus just shook his head again. “Sorry, unless this is life or death, I’m staying here.” He froze, eyes flickering up with panic. “Do _not_ put yourself into a life or death situation just to get me out of this house. It’s not going to work.”

Remus snickered, and he let out an exasperated sigh. They both knew that was a lie.

“Fine, then,” he said, opening the fridge, grabbing a red bull, and pouring it nonchalantly into his gigantic coffee mug. Janus watched him with mounting concern, biting his lip to hold back a protest as he dumped in a can of Mt. Dew, a few bags of black tea, and, of course, a shitload of coffee. “Guess I’ll drive there myself… unsupervised… just gotta finish my coffee first…” Smirking, he raised the cup to his lips.

He’d only gotten one sip before the cup was snatched away from him. He laughed as Janus dumped the drink down the drain, glaring at him.

“Fine,” he hissed. “I’ll drive you, you little shit. But you’re never going to make that… _monstrosity_ again, you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, Janie.” Remus tossed him the keys, which he caught with a glower. “I’ll be in the car!”

Janus took his damn time getting out to the car, giving Remus plenty of time to freak out. He wasn’t used to trying this hard; that was so much more Roman’s thing. Usually when Remus wanted something, he trusted his gut and made for it immediately. If he couldn’t get it right away, it wasn’t worth the wait. It had practically become his mantra.

But Janus had proved time and time again to be the only exception. They’d been forced together in a cramped dorm freshman year of college and hadn’t quite been friendly with each other. In fact, Remus was absolutely positive Janus had loathed him for the first few months at least. If it weren’t for the fact that they shared the same tiny room, Remus would have been happy to never see the sour snake ever again.

It was maybe five months into the school year before they actually began to act civil. He’d come home from his last class to find Janus still in bed, crying his eyes out. When he’d realised he wasn’t alone, he pretended to be asleep, but his breathing was too uneven to be properly convincing.

Remus didn’t really know what to do with that; he’d never seen Janus show any emotions besides annoyance. But something told him to try and help.

And for some reason, Janus didn’t push him away. Even when he sat next to him on the bed, he didn’t protest. He didn’t exactly welcome it with open arms, but he saw Remus, and he didn’t tense up like he usually did around basically everyone.

Afternoon turned to evening, and Janus’s sobs got louder, and they slowly got closer together. Remus had Janus’s head in his lap by the morning, and he was sprawled across the other’s lap himself, one hand curled in his hair.

He woke up first, jumping away immediately and moving far away from the bed. Janus would’ve likely killed him if he’d caught them like that; he hated physical contact in almost any form. And honestly, Remus wasn’t sure how he’d felt about it, either. So he just left.

Things didn’t change immediately, which was a weird phenomenon for Remus. But they talked more throughout the week, much more like friends. Although he wasn’t sure he’d’ve classified them as friends until a few weeks later, when they’d left together in the early evening to egg Janus’s ex’s car, then gone out to dinner to celebrate. And it was months before they were good friends, and a few months after that before it became apparent that Remus’s feelings toward him weren’t nearly that simple.

He couldn’t say it wasn’t worth it, though. Janus understood him in a way no one else really did. When it was just the two of them, Remus felt free to say whatever thought jumped into his head. He knew Janus wouldn’t judge him beyond a slight eyebrow raise.

And Janus seemed to open up more around him, sharing his actual thoughts more often than not and hardly ever shying away from physical contact, at least when they were alone. By school’s end, they were even close enough to rent an apartment together.

They’d never really talked about romance, though. Whenever Remus brought it up, usually teasing, Janus would give a vague, halfhearted response and then quickly change the subject. He hadn’t dated much of anyone since his ex boyfriend dumped him all the way back in Freshman year, much to Remus’s surprise.

Granted, Remus hadn’t either, but that reason was rather clear.

But because of their shared lack of knowledge where romance was concerned, he and Roman had tried to nail down every aspect of the day to be completely perfect. They were going to Beanies, the old coffee shop near campus that used to be their favourite- in hindsight, the coffee itself was absolute shit, but it would at least stir up some nostalgia- upon Roman’s insistence that it was practically as romantic a spot that he could get it. Remus didn’t really get it, but he trusted his brother a lot more than he trusted himself when it came to this. Then, he’d kneel down and give Janus the bouquet of flowers they’d bought a few days ago, finally asking him out.

The only thing that wasn’t perfectly choreographed was Janus’s response.

He tried not to worry too much about it, hoping it wouldn’t change anything between them if the answer was no. There was nothing he could do about it now. The rewards far outweighed the risks, at least.

The driver’s door opened and shut quietly, and Janus glanced over at him expectantly. “Alright, where are we going that’s so important?”

Remus grinned, shoving away his doubts. “It’s a surprise, isn’t it?”

“Then how the fuck am I supposed to drive you there, you dolt?”

“Don’t get your panties all twisted, J-anus. I’ll give you directions as we go. I’m a savage, but I’m not a dumbass.”

The drive went by mostly in silence, the only words being Remus’s instructions and an occasional snarky response from Janus. Usually, there wouldn’t be a moment of silence between them, but Remus’s fears kept creeping back in before he could say anything.

Janus huffed in exasperation as they pulled into the tiny parking lot. “Yes, it’s absolutely _vital_ that we get coffee. Please tell me we made a wrong turn and you haven’t dragged me half an hour away from home for old time’s sake.”

Remus merely shrugged, excitement overtaking his worry. “Oops! Oh well, we’re already here. Might as well grab a cup.”

“You’re insufferable,” he hissed.

“Oh, lighten up. If you keep being so crabby, someone’s gonna scoop you up and make you into sushi.”

Janus rolled his eyes, but softened a little at Remus’s exuberance to let him know he wasn’t actually mad. Part one of the plan was already turning out to be a success; the nostalgia was wearing away his resolve.

He waved Janus off to go in already as he got something from the back seat. That was where he discovered the second problem.

The flowers were dead.

Roman would kill him.

He shook off his surprise, the buzz of what he was planning on doing carrying over. The flowers were too sappy for his tastes anyway. This was his day, not Roman’s.

Sighing, he rounded the side of the car only to find Janus standing there impatiently.

“What are you waiting for?” Remus asked. “Come on, let’s go in already.”

“Can’t. It’s closed for reconstruction. What’s this really about?” He raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Have you finally decided to murder me after all these years?”

Remus froze. Beanies couldn’t be closed. It was open yesterday, and the day before that, and every day since 1997. Why would it be closed today of all days?

Sure enough, when he ran up to the door, there was a white sign plastered on it explaining that they were taking the week off to update the facilities. It was true; the world was completely against him today.

Janus put a hand on his shoulder, half in confused comfort and half in exasperation, and Remus had half a mind to kneel down on the burning concrete and ask him there and then. He was so close. Everything had gone to shit, obviously, but Janus was still here with him. Who knew how long his thin layer of patience would last?

But this was too important for a shitty parking lot. Too important for a shitty coffee shop too, for that matter. Roman was wrong; nothing about this was genuine or romantic. This all felt wrong.

“Fuck it,” Remus sighed. “Come on, I’m driving this time.”

“Remus, seriously,” Janus groaned, grabbing his wrist before he could snatch up the keys. “Would you just tell me what the hell you’re trying to pull? This better not be another one of your wild goose chases.”

“Just trust me, JayJay. For once in your life.”

Janus rolled his eyes, but he handed over the keys and let Remus drag him back to the car regardless.

He kept muttering to himself throughout the drive, but Remus could hardly pay attention over the spinning thoughts in his head. He’d posed this plan weeks ago, but Roman had shot it down, saying it “bordered on creepy.” It was still his favourite of the ideas they’d brainstormed, though, and it was very much as genuine as he got.

When they pulled off the main road and parked near a tiny dirt path leading into the woods, Janus’s eyes narrowed. “I was joking when I asked if you were going to murder me.”

Remus giggled anxiously. “Don’t worry. You could definitely kill me before I killed you.”

“Debatable. Lead the way, idiot.”

They wandered their way through the forest in almost a daze, picking their way down the not-quite path. It got hard enough to follow that eventually, Janus sighed and grabbed hold of his hand to keep on track. Remus would never admit how high his heart leapt at the simple touch; a few years ago, this wouldn’t happen in his wildest dreams.

Jesus fuck, he’d gone soft.

After maybe 10 minutes, the path started to widen enough to let them walk side by side. Janus still didn’t let go of his hand. Remus thought he might explode and attract wolves their way.

Finally, they arrived at a small clearing. It was nothing too special, just a small circle of overgrown grass with hardly any sunshine slipping through the dense foliage. Still, when Janus dropped his hand and stepped forward into the clearing, his eyes were wide with amazement.

“You should’ve led with this,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t have been that bitchy if I knew this was your plan.”

Remus followed him to the centre of the clearing, mounting anxiety overtaking most of his senses. “Uh, yeah, it’s… a great place to hide a body, huh?”

Janus laughed. “It really is. I volunteer Remy.”

Remus tried to match his light tone, but it came out forced and shaky. “Actually, uh, burying our friends isn’t why I brought you here.”

Spinning around, Janus trained a concerned look on him. “Are you ok? You’ve been acting so weird this morning. You never pass up an opportunity to murder Remy.”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” He inhaled deeply. He’d come too far to back out now. Even if his mind wasn’t exactly in the right place.

“Look, Janus, we’ve known each other for a while now, right?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Okay, now you’re scaring me. Did something happen?”

“Nah. Well, something is going to happen. Hopefully. You see, uh…” Shit, he couldn’t find the words. Nothing felt right, nothing was enough.

“Remus? Re, honey, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry. Or hit a tree, I honestly can’t tell.”

Remus huffed. “No, it’s just… you… I… I can’t just…”

“What? What is it?”

“I WANNA GIVE YOU MY SALIVA, OKAY?”

Fuck.

FUCK.

He shrank back, mentally cursing himself for opening his goddamn mouth. “That’s not what I meant to say. I just- I’ve loved you for so long now, and it’s unbearable! Do you know how hard it is to walk past you every morning and pretend I don’t want to nail you to a wall like the piece of art you are?”

Janus blinked. “And this is my fault how? What’s stopping you?”

Remus’s eyes widened. “Um, you?”

Janus’s jaw dropped. He stared at Remus, searching his face.

Then, he burst out laughing.

Shocked, Remus watched as he doubled over, trying to suppress his cackles with a hand. He raised a hand to ask for a moment as he gasped for breath.

When he finally calmed down and looked up, his face was red and beaming. “Fucking Christ, Re, I knew you were a dumbass, but this is a whole other level.”

“E-excuse me?”

“Sophomore year?” he said it like it was obvious. “You’d been awake for 57 hours and decided to kiss me out of the blue, and I poured my heart out to you?”

A faint memory buzzed at the back of his mind. “Oh my god, I thought that was a dream!”

“You woke up in my bed!”

“I sleepwalk!”

“And what about senior year? You finally remembered our anniversary and took me out to dinner?”

“Anniversary? I took you out to distract you from the fact that I broke your grandma’s vase! I thought we were just fooling around!”

“You broke my VASE? I BLAMED ROMAN FOR THAT!”

“It _was_ Roman’s fault! I just happen to be the one who touched it last!”

“Forget about the vase! What about literally every time I told you I loved you for the last 4 years?”

“I thought that was platonic!”

Janus rubbed his temples. “And here I thought you were just stingy. How the fuck did you miss the fact that we’re dating for _this_ long?”

“Well, you didn’t exactly go out of your way to make it obvious! You haven’t even tried to kiss me before!”

“Because I thought you weren’t _ready_ , Re! You think I don’t want this too? I’ve wanted it ever since you walked in that dorm!”

A thought occurred to Remus. “Then why are we yelling at each other?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’ve been showing you in every way I know how that I’m in love with you and thought you just didn’t give a shit, but turns out you’re just stupid and needed to do a whole romantic Roman style confession to show me back! Guess what, dumbass? I don’t need a coffee shop or a random secluded part of the woods to know I’ve always been in love with you!”

Remus felt like an idiot. Well, he was, but that wasn’t the point. He’d been so worried about being rejected that he missed all of the signs.

Oh, fuck. He’d pulled a Roman.

“I… I’m sorry, J.”

Janus sighed, staring at him with a mixture of fondness and guilt. “I’m not mad, Re. I could never be mad at you. Just… god, just kiss me already. Before I get all emotional.”

Remus smiled, grabbing Janus’s arm and pulling him into a quick, soft kiss.

“Sorry it took me so long,” he whispered, trailing a finger down the length of Janus’s chin.

Janus merely clicked his tongue. “Well, I’m not normally the patient type, but I suppose it was worth it this time.”

“Suppose?”

“Look, I wasn’t planning on having emotions today. Can we go home now? It’s still my self-care day. Although…” he trailed off, a wicked glint in his eye, “...perhaps you’d like to help me out with a few… exercises.”

Remus snorted, kissing his boyfriend atop the head. A week ago, he’d never have agreed. But now…

“Well, if it’s a _helping hand_ you want…”


End file.
